I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
