you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
