I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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