I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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