i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
