Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
