You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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