the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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