If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
