girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
