They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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