dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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