I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
