great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
