If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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