Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
