Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
no, he came in my armpit
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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