Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
