I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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