tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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