Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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