Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
