Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
