i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
