I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
