if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
