office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
