We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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