What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize