in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
