Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
