First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
