my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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