but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
