At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
