haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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