alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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