You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
