Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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