there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
