you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
