Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
