After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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