I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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