i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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