They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
