I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
