I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
