We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
