I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
