Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
