wrigley field is MILF paradise
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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