In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
