At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
