would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
