You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
