If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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