I want to stick my p in your. b.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
