First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
