Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
