weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
