miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
