He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
