You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
