YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
