I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
