How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
