3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
