he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
