Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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