We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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