I need help removing her.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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