I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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