the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
