I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
