shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
