How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
