You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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