I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
