I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
