I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
