How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
