We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I look better un-naked...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
