Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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