making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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